you'd think i'd have enough experience now as a flight attendant that these things wouldn't happen to me. but they do. so enjoy.
day one of three:
as i am handing a passenger his drink it proceeds to leak out and go all over the place. the drink happens to be cranberry juice and his khaki pants are what is soaking it up. words like, "very important meeting today" and "seltzer quick" come into play. why does this always happen to me? the guy took the can of seltzer and poured it on his pants, yes, just poured it all over. talk about extreme wetness. it brought to mind my champagne experience. ha! i mean oops!
day two of three:
can't remember any funny experiences.
day three of three:
#1 i leaned over two people to reach a tray table that was still down prior to taking off. the child sitting at the window couldn't negotiate the tray table because she was scarfing down her mcdonalds. as i reach across, the man at in the middle seat sneezes on me. i just stood there with my arm in mid-reach and stared at him. i asked him if it would be alright if i now wiped my arm on his shirt, he told me it would only be okay if he blew his nose on my sleeve. what the hell?
#2 little unaccompanied minor says, "ma'am, i have a bloody nose."
i say, "stop picking it."
um says, "i wasn't. i was just pushing on my nose like this" motions to squeezing his bridge "and then blood started squirting out."
i say very dryly, "stop touching yourself."
um proceeds to blow bloody snot into tissue and i gag.
"do you get bloody noses often?" i ask.
he says, "no, i was just pretending that my nose was broken and then it started bleeding."
he now has blood all over his hands and face...how it got that out of control i have no idea. the kid's like ten and can't function.
(ums are kids that are traveling alone and i am forced to keep an eye on them.)
#3 woman boarding the plane says loudly, "i am cecilla jones. i need a wheelchair when we get to san jose."
i respond in same loud voice, "i'm megan. i'll get you a wheelchair when we get there."
cecilla says, "where do i sit?"
i say, "next to someone cute and single. that's what i'd do if i were you." (giggles from surrounding passengers.)
cecilla being very old and unable to hear me, "what?"
now the joke is even funnier because i repeat it with arm movements and a much louder voice.
cecilla thinks about it and looks up at me with a huge smile, "what?!!"
she sat next to a woman.
1 comment:
Holy cow Meg, you're turning into me! I have to admit I would have wiped my arm on the man sneezing without his permission. Oh, a nice black lady hit my arm the other day because she wanted a coffee that she supposedly ordered between her snores while she was sleeping. Yes, she swated my arm as if there was huge spider on it. I just shook my head and walked away. My extremely aggressive A flight attendant, who happened to be black saw the whole thing and got pissed at the lady and told her she knew she did that to me because I was white. I was shocked! I also had a passenger ask if the Diet Pepsi I was pouring in a cup was mine. I said, "Yes." He then said, "Can I have some?" I swear I heard crickets in the background as I stared at him and just turned back to the galley to enjoy MY Diet Pepsi. What the hell is wrong with people??
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